This is where I am at today......looking at the mountain above me and wondering if and how I am going to climb out of this low place.
I am just going to write how this comes to my mind and it may not make much sense to you all but....Sorry!
Feel free to skip reading if you want!
No offense will be taken!
I just need to get this off my heart!
It all began yesterday when my 11 almost 12 year old daughter came downstairs in the morning and announced to me that she was only eating fruits and vegetables for the day!
I questioned her as to why she would want to do this....with some creative conversation on my part it was revealed that she did not want to get 'fat'.................I wanted to just cry and I still do want to right now!
What kind of an example have I been to her????
I have never hidden the fact from my family that I have a problem with eating and I talk freely with my husband about eating, bondage to food, about my dislike for my body.
I need to talk through the process of walking out my freedom from this addiction...but it is now time to start picking and choosing when I discuss the things I am going through with my husband...I never had gave thought to the fact that the children all hear about it too because I talk whenever I feel like it.
Seriously when I think about it...if my addiction was to something else like drugs, pornography etc........
I WOULD HAVE NEVER DISCUSS IT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN.......so why did I think it would not effect my children if I discussed my food addiction and how I hate the way I look????
So from today on I am going to be much more aware of what I am discussing and when...I know I can change and I am hoping that it is not to late for my daughter to 'forget' about how I have talked....I do not want her to struggle with the same issues I fight.
I am feeling actually very down about how my stupidity may have lasting negative effects on my children...I would never do anything to hurt them on purpose and I am SO mad at my self for not realizing this before now.
I heart is grieving today and I need to draw closer to God right now with all of this because my natural instinct is to eat my self sick...I have already spoke to Him about it but I still feel so burdened by it all!!!