It is time that I try and put into words some of what has been going on in me!
Cycles that I have went through ALL my life have been hitting really hard.
Lots of self hate talk...the kind that you tell yourself that you are fat and ugly.....
when you are talking about yourself this way it is only natural to treat yourself in that way too.
I have been trying to fight these negative thoughts and feelings but they are completely consuming my mental space.... they are starting from the time my eyes open in the morning until I fall asleep at night but on most days the
y take over my actions by about 2-3pm and I fall into a pit of binge eating. This binge has been lasting from that time until 7-8pm at night (when my husband gets home actually).
This has been making me be the old mom and woman that use to live here.....the one that can not handle everyday stress very well and loses her cool because of the little things. Then the next cycle begins of guilt, shame and condemnation....eat some more!
I know where my peace can be found and I know I am set free by the power of the death of Jesus....but I am really struggling to live in that peace and freedom place.
I have been encouraged by Amy's post today over at Choosing Freedom and I hope to take it and learn more about how to STOP SELF SABOTAGING!!!
If I do not post for a couple of days it is because I am working through things and need to focus...plus it is the long weekend here in Canada...Turkey Time!
I am on track today with eating and it 3:34pm.....yeah!
- Breakfast was Oatmeal, 1 tsp. maple syrup, splash of milk and 1whole egg plus 2 whites scrambled.
- No morning snack.
- Lunch was 4 wedges of cantaloupe and a smoothie made of spinach, a banana, tbsp. natural peanut butter, plain yogurt and almond breeze.
- Afternoon snack was fresh pineapple and 22 almonds.
- I made this for my supper......Coconut Rice with Black Beans. I had a bite of it this morning after I made it just to try it because I have never made it before.....it is yummy! so I am looking forward to it!!!
Praying for you as you work through the crazy cycle...one I know so well. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteHi my beautiful friend!
ReplyDeleteThose voices are just plain evil..ugh! I totally know the one's you are talking about. And the rollercoaster ride that follows is just maddening! I want you to know that I am praying right now that whatever is the root of those voices... the "why" they are there will be totally exposed and uncovered. So proud of you, Christine for asking your self the hard questions... bring them to God, He is totally up for them. He loves you more then anything, and sees you as His treasure Christine.
It's such a journey, and I am so glad that in the midst of the cycle, you have stopped to say, "Hey wait a minute! I want off this thing!" Praying for you, and for a breakthrough. That you would see yourself through the eyes of your Abba God today.
Big hug, and please let me know if you ever want to talk.. you know where to find me ;) Love you much!
I did not see this post before reading the most current one.
ReplyDeleteThough you have found some peace about all this I will be praying for you. Going through this weight loss journey has sure brought to the surface habits and attitudes that I know I've harbored for year and covered up with food. I can feel your pain.
Take care and enjoy your Thanksgiving, ay! ( [grin] I learned that when I lived 30 mins from BC in high school. )
I know it's been a couple of days since you posted this, but I'm hoping you're feeling better. I've also struggled with the same kind of 'mind chatter'. It's not fun and it's not easy. I have some positive affirmations on my blog under the "affirmations" tab that might be helpful. They've sure helped me. Be blessed.
ReplyDelete