I am going to attempt to explain to some of what has been going on in my heart the last number of days!!!!
I do not promise to be able to explain it well but I have to try.
For so many years I have dealt with the issue of being overweight and I have always depended on the scale to tell me when trying to lose weight if I was doing a GOOD job or not .
The scale can either make or break my day!!!
I know there are a lot of people like this and I am not alone in this struggle.
What may make me different is that I am no longer going to be looking to the scale for my affirmation!!
I need to build the confidence in my self that I am worthy!!
and ALL good things under the sun including loving myself.
I do not need to be a certain number to be worthy of these things!!
I need to love myself for who I am and not wait until I get to a certain place in this journey to really feel like I have arrived.
I need to enjoy each step along the path instead of waiting for the final destination to really be content with my body.
This is the BIG thing that I need to get a handle on right now.
I am not in any way saying that using the scale is wrong....I think it can be a real motivator as it has been for me for so long...it is just time for me to take this lifestyle change and healing of my thoughts and emotions to a new deeper level and the scale isn't invited to that place.
I am excited and scared at the same time because the scale has been my measurement of success for so long and now I am going to have to rely on ME!!!!
I do not have a lot of trust in myself...Yet!!...but I know it will come and that is part of what this is all about.
How will I measure if I am still losing weight or at least maintaining the 147.....I will continue to nourish my body with clean food and commit to exercising more often.
My clothes I wear now will tell me if I am gaining or losing too.
I will jump on the scale once a month so I can keep my commitment to the group of ladies that I am a part of for weight loss support...we have all come so for in changing our lives and I want to be a part of that group still so I will weigh in with them once a month if they are open to me changing this part of my commitment. I am sure they will be fine with a monthly rather than weekly WI and I will pass the idea by them on Sunday.
When I do weigh myself than I will let you all know what my weight is.
I feel like it is time to start enjoying my life and to stop obsessing about my weight...God is bringing more healing and I am excited to see it manifest in me!!!
I will leave you all with a fun picture my daughter took of me this week!!