Wonderful Wednesday

This morning I woke up with my mind cluttered with terrible thoughts about eating and myself again.

I started to dwell on the Lord and call to Him for strength... and with His loving way He began to speak to my heart about the issues that I need to focus on in order to walk in greater freedom from this addiction to food.

I have had a great day of working and praying through a lot of 'stuff'.

Today has been a day of great happenings for me too....my special package arrived in the mail from my friend Dawne for the Sweets Free September Contest...I am so excited to start reading my new books!!!

My eating has been right on plan today and....

A dear friend called this morning to see if she could sit with the children this afternoon while I would go for a run...I normally would not take anyone up on offers like this but today I decided I would and I am so glad I did....I came home feeling refreshed and ready to finish the day in victory!

Running Question

My Thanksgiving dinner time with the family yesterday went amazing! Everyone enjoyed each other and there were no upsets between the children. This made for a nice stress free occasion!

When we arrived at my Mom's place I was already hungry because I didn't get a chance to have a snack before leaving home as I had planned. A friend of ours stopped in about 1/2 hour before we planned on leaving and while he was here he got stung by a wasp...this man is allergic to some species of wasps so it was a bit of a crazy time getting his sting iced and Benadryl into him, getting his wife over with the Benadryl and then waiting to see if he was going to react. Thank God he didn't and everything was okay! but there you have it life happened and I didn't get a snack to hold me over.

At my Mom's house I was presented with a table full of junk food which I choose to not indulge in because I decided that I could survive until supper.

At supper I filled my plate 2/3 full with boiled carrots, corn, Apple Coleslaw (which I ended up making it by a Eat Clean recipe) and baked sweet potatoes. The other third was turkey meat and about 2 tbsp. of stuffing.

I did enjoy a piece of Apple Crisp with some vanilla ice cream.

I walked away from my dinner feeling so great about the decisions I made!!!!

Sweet victory!!!!

My question to all you runners is......

What do eat before a run and how long before do you have it????

I am finding that have alot of energy when first start out on my run but by 5-6km in I am spent.

So I am thinking I need to eat something but I just don't know what is good and when to have it. All advice is appreciated!

Turkey Day & Weigh In Report

Later today we go to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family!

My mom and I are preparing all of the food and nothing on the menu will be low calorie or clean items except an Apple Crisp but I am so okay with that because I plan to fill up on the vegetable dishes and turkey (white meat, of course!), drink lots of water and at the end of the meal if I want I will have a piece of dessert with a hot cup of tea.

I plan on living like a NORMAL person today, one who is FREE from addiction and knows it....no extremes....I am done with the ALL OR NOTHING ATTITUDE....forever!!

There is absolutely no life in it! as anyone who battles it or has battled it can attest to.

I have a long run planned for during the children's nap time this afternoon because my husband is home to sit with them. I can't express how giddy with excitement I am about going for a run! This seems so funny to me because 9 months ago I never thought I would run down the street never mind 8km.

With the struggles I have been having the last 2 weeks I was sure that my weight would be up but I guess I must have had more on track time then I thought because my weigh in this morning had me at

150 lbs on the button! Not a huge loss for 2 weeks but at least a loss. I am good with it and truthfully would have been good with whatever it said because I know my focus has been off.

The loss is another thing to add to my list of things I am thankful for today!

Thanksgiving

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! and I am still walking towards it.

Rough days come and sometimes a number of them in a row, but this time around I did not waiver in my hope for complete freedom from the cycle and THIS my friends is progress!

In the past when I have had bad days I would lose my hope completely and even question if God loved me.... but not this time.....I have a calm assurance in God and His love, He alone is my answer and He will bring me to the place where I can see what the deep issues are that I have yet to look at.

I do not have all the answers yet to why I am having to still deal with these reoccurring cycles but I am closer to the answer and I trust that God will show me each piece as I am ready to deal with it.

So this weekend I have a lot to be thankful for and here are just a few of them......

• A wonderful, loving and understanding husband.
• Six healthy children.
• Family that live close by and I can see whenever I want.
• Friends both in real life and in 'blog land' that love me for who I am.
• A three day weekend with my husband!
• That I will have a chance to go out running at least twice in the next 3 days.
• My bed sheets are on the line so I get to sleep in fresh, clean sheets tonight.
• I have great health.
• A place to call home.
• and the sun is shining!!

My Thoughts

It is time that I try and put into words some of what has been going on in me!

Cycles that I have went through ALL my life have been hitting really hard.

Lots of self hate talk...the kind that you tell yourself that you are fat and ugly.....

when you are talking about yourself this way it is only natural to treat yourself in that way too.

I have been trying to fight these negative thoughts and feelings but they are completely consuming my mental space.... they are starting from the time my eyes open in the morning until I fall asleep at night but on most days the

y take over my actions by about 2-3pm and I fall into a pit of binge eating. This binge has been lasting from that time until 7-8pm at night (when my husband gets home actually).

This has been making me be the old mom and woman that use to live here.....the one that can not handle everyday stress very well and loses her cool because of the little things. Then the next cycle begins of guilt, shame and condemnation....eat some more!

I know where my peace can be found and I know I am set free by the power of the death of Jesus....but I am really struggling to live in that peace and freedom place.

I have been encouraged by Amy's post today over at Choosing Freedom and I hope to take it and learn more about how to STOP SELF SABOTAGING!!!

If I do not post for a couple of days it is because I am working through things and need to focus...plus it is the long weekend here in Canada...Turkey Time!

I am on track today with eating and it 3:34pm.....yeah!

• Breakfast was Oatmeal, 1 tsp. maple syrup, splash of milk and 1whole egg plus 2 whites scrambled.
• No morning snack.
• Lunch was 4 wedges of cantaloupe and a smoothie made of spinach, a banana, tbsp. natural peanut butter, plain yogurt and almond breeze.
• Afternoon snack was fresh pineapple and 22 almonds.
• I made this for my supper......Coconut Rice with Black Beans. I had a bite of it this morning after I made it just to try it because I have never made it before.....it is yummy! so I am looking forward to it!!!

"Who Am I?"

This is a question that I have been pondering today?

Along with "What is it that I want to accomplish now?" as far as my body goes.

I think I want to lose more weight but I also feel very content with where I am at too....I hate the land of indecision.

To be honest, it is really hard to get use to who I am now and I think that this is part of the reason in what I consider a stall in my journey.

I have been juggling the same 5 pounds since the beginning of July!

I got to my original goal back then and since then I have lost my gusto.

I am in search for it today!!!

Anyone now where it went??? lol

I am really having a great day...even if it doesn't sound like it but I am trying to figure out how to get the ambition to continue to lose the last 10 - 15 pounds.

Anyway....my eats for today!!

This was breakfast, a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of Morning Hot Cereal with a splash of milk.

Morning Boost was a banana, almond breeze and peanut butter smoothie.

The next picture is lunch; Tomato soup, a whole wheat wrap with hummus and shredded vegetables. Terrible picture but it tasted yummy!

Mid-afternoon snack was was an apple, 3 wasa crackers and peanut butter.

Then supper was Spaghetti...lots of veggies in the sauce served on a bit of whole wheat pasta and a bit of spaghetti squash. I liked this...I was surprised that I did but mostly that the children did too. My hubby is not home yet but I mixed his squash in with the noodles...hoping he doesn't notice them right away. Sneaky me!!!

What is THIS????

"What is THIS?" or "Is that _________?"

I think I am going to be hearing this a lot in the next while from the children!!!

They have tried some new foods over the last two days.....and I am really proud of them all for being so open to new things.

I am trying to give everyone as much choice in what they eat while still maintaining a clean eating lifestyle which is helping them....they still have some power in the situation.

My aim is to have everyone eating at least 75% of the time from clean food.

NOT the ALL or NOTHING mentality!

I will catch you all up on what I have eaten and my activity for the last 2 days ......

Monday

• Breakfast was Muesli, milk and a banana.
• 11 almonds and an apple sprinkled with cinnamon was for Mid- morning Snack.
• Yummy Lunch was a whole wheat wrap with Indian hummus and shredded zucchini, cucumber, carrots and lettuce. With a few strawberries on the side.
• Wasa Crackers (2) with a spread of natural peanut butter.
• Supper was a Chicken breast, Vegetable stir fry and brown rice. Dessert for the family.....2 cups of frozen blueberries with 1 cup of vanilla yogurt all blended to the consistency of ice cream...it was a hit! I had approximately 1/2 cup of this.

I did the Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones workout in the morning.

Tuesday

• A half an apple and Morning Hot Cereal recipe from The Eat Clean Diet for Family and Kids.
• A smoothie made of 1 cup Chocolate Almond Breeze, 3/4 banana and 1 tbsp. peanut butter for Mid- morning Boost.

• This was Lunch, leftover veggies from the stir fry and a whole wheat pita bread spread with tomato sauce, sliced zucchini and 1 oz. of mozzarella cheese.
• Afternoon boost will be another smoothie like I has this morning but I will throw in some spinach too.
• Finally supper is Homemade Spaghetti Sauce made with lots of veggies and organic lean ground beef served on Brown rice pasta and a side lettuce salad (no dressing).

My exercise was a Leslie Sansone 2 Mile Walk Away the Pounds.

Feeling great and living it!!!

Those hard days of this past weekend seem so far away right now....Yet they seemed so impossible at the time!?!?!?!? Go figure...